Talk the Talk
You’ve heard it… The clichéd and most thrown advice at anyone having any problem… “Communicate” they say. Psychologists, Psychiatrist, Agony Aunts, Your best friend… All agree. Communication is the key to successful relationships. Put them into words and let the words out of your mouth and into the world. Let them know how you feel. But despite an average person using 7000(men) to 20,000(women) words every day, communication is a skill very few people actually master. We think we have talked. We let know, what our feeling is about but Communication is a two way process where the one who is listening to your rants has an equal right to explain and show how he feels. Ranting is not communication. Ranting is for when you are stressed and just want to blow off steam. Monologues look great in a play not so much in relationships. Women are often credited with this skill… but why limit it to just them? Ranting in a discussion/Debate is a big No-No because it will bring out defensive mechanism against such criticism without bringing any solution. Being polite also helps!
People communicate differently. Introverts or Extroverts, Male and female, Dominant or Submissive and as many categories as you can work up, the Communication pattern differ from person to person. There lies a Communication gap between Sexes (mainly). Look at the person you are talking to and let them speak too. Argue. Discuss. Debate. Have a pillow talk. Do anything but let them talk. Don’t get caved by stereotypes. Women are not always emotional wrecks who have no rational thinking and can’t read maps. Similarly Men are not from mars and have emotional walls built that you (Ladies) have to break down. But some biological and social influences are always found. Communication gaps between sexes get generally tied down to different programming of their brains. Women use words to connect and Men use them to tie down facts and information. It’s generally accepted that women are more discussion oriented and Men more Action oriented. So, we can accept that there are going to be differences in not only our personality, perspective as well perception of the same message in same language. “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”- George Bernard Shaw. Men are often shown to be not listening to what women are saying but again let’s generalize. There are many instances of such interaction in our daily life. You know the ever-so-popular husband and wife jokes, the many women magazine articles all refer to this dilemma. How to get his attention, how to make him really listen… you get the gist.
My opinion is that this inability to listen is not just a self obsession but also an outright disrespect to the opposite person who is trying to talk to you. It’s like shoving a middle finger and saying screw you, you don’t matter. If you can’t respect their words, you are not entitled to any respect whatsoever. Eyes may/may not be the window to souls but words definitely are. Similarly Subtle Gestures and Hints work out great in movies because they follow a script. No one can read your mind and know you better than yourself… SO women folks (especially)…Use your Words; because if he doesn’t read your mind it’s because he can’t. No need to be depressed over unattainable abilities (as of now at least). People matter and so do words.
———— About the Author: This article has been contributed by Rashmi Singh, our intern. Rashmi is a student of Bachelors of Mass Media who supports Life, Liberty and equality; She even believes in democracy.
