1. So why’d you cut it?
I wanted to.
2. You’re in that experimental phase of your life.
Is that what this is?
3. Well, hair grows back.
I had no idea.
4. But you looked so nice with long hair.
Your half-hearted attempt at complimenting me has made me feel completely fabulous.
5. Do you like it?
No way. I did this because I wanted to hate my hair.
6. Do you like girls now?
7. Or bisexual?
Wait … OMG YOU WERE SERIOUS.
8. Did you do it to save money on shampoo and conditioner? Smart.
Oh, yes, purely economic reasons. No woman would ever do this because she simply likes it.
9. You probably shouldn’t wear combat boots anymore.
Still wearing combat boots. Sorry not sorry.
10. I could never cut my hair like that. Like EVER. But it totally looks good on you, though.
Thank you for letting me know.
11. But boys like long hair?
Because naturally anything a woman does should make her more appealing to men.
12. Um … it looks nice.
That awkward hesitation you exhibited before the issued compliment makes me uneasy, and I’m not sure if I should say thank you.
13. You remind me of Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
I appreciate your creative comparison.
14. But it looks good! I swear.
Oh, I totally believe you now.
15. Most people’s faces look really fat when they cut their hair short. But you don’t.
I know what you’re really thinking, and I’m OK with that. Your secret is safe with me, bud.
16. It’s sorta cool, because you can wear so much more makeup now and you won’t look like you’re trying too hard, because your hair will balance it out.
So I guess I look like I’m just not “trying” at all without makeup on, because my hair is short. Fair.
17. Do you ever worry someone might mistake you for a man?