”Why girls are taught to adjust after marriage?”

”Why girls are taught to adjust after marriage?”

This is this one question which I asked from my parents and sisters. Surprisingly, I got shocking answers. My mother said, “Beta yehi chala aarha hai hamare zamane sai, ladkiyo ko karna padta hai adjust.” As I was not convinced with the answer, I asked my sisters and what they replied was very emotional and thought provoking. They replied, “We have to adjust after marriage for the sake of our parents and stable marriage. We have to think twice before saying no to anything. Though it’s sad, but life changes after marriage and we don’t get much liberty to take our own decisions.” This is a real and one of the saddest facts of our Indian marriage system where girls are taught to adjust and suffer. Even if she is abused and tortured, parents ask her to adjust. Why? Why men are not taught to be understanding and caring towards her?

I really have an issue with the Indian marriage system, especially arranged marriages in which girls are treated just like slaves. Although its great for parents who wish to create a healthy bond with families, but sadly not for a girl whose life is going to change after marriage. Right from the day of engagement, the mother starts teaching her daughter about various aspects of married life and how she needs to handle them. But nobody teaches a man on how to be more understanding and supportive. This is why, men don’t treat their wives equal and always try to dominate and rule them. After marriage, a girl needs to cook even if she is ill or tired. She needs to manage each and everything in the family. If her husband is a drunkard, it’s her destiny and again she needs to adjust with his abusive and violent behavior. Nothing can be done. If he is having an extra-marital affair then also she can’t raise her voice. If she does, then her husband will file for a divorce. This is absolutely absurd and disrespectful for a girl who has given her everything after marriage. What if she does tit for tat? Unfortunately, this option is not available for her in our biased and male-dominated society. If she plans to teach her husband a lesson by doing the same, and unfortunately get caught, then her husband and in-laws call her“Characterless”. Why? The answer is, “Girls are taught to adjust, not to take revenge.”

It is a note to all parents who feel that their daughters must marry with their choice. If you expect much from your daughter, then let her also expect a little from you. Stand for her when she needs you, rather than asking her to adjust. If she thinks about your respect and your so-called image, think about her respect also. Don’t forget your daughters post the “Seven phera’s.” They helped you to keep your respect, don’t forget to help them retain her respect after marriage. Last but certainly not the least, don’t teach your daughters to adjust after marriage. It is better to teach them how to be brave and retaliate when they are ill-treated. Don’t treat them like goods, once sold will not be taken back. If she agrees for an arrange marriage, its your responsibility to help her because you chose the groom for her. And don’t tell her to adjust.               —- About the Author: The article has been contributed by our intern, Jaideep Singh. He started writing as a hobby but soon he realized that he wanted to do it for a living. Now he works as a professional writer and often takes time out to express his views and opinion on grave issues confronting the society. He firmly believes that writing is the most powerful medium to communicate with the entire society.

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